me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
