America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
