I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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