I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think i got beer on your cat.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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