you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
