Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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