I want to walk on stilts...naked
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
