you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
