its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
