I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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