Soap is not a condiment
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
