I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
