Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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