two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
