I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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