Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
