Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
