Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Please, let me fuck your mom
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
