stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
