Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
