Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Randomize
