I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
why is half of my head shaved?
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