do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
