I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
