I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
