I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
