dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
