let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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