True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
