Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
