i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
