tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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