that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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