he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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