I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
