I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
