Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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