I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
