just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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