I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
