New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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