Cold hands, warm shart.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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