she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
