I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
is it fun? or sober?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
