I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
