I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
