It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
