My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
