found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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