i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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