His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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