Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
