Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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