My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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