I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
