i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
