Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
