There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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