These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
